Senior Parent Night Speech

I can’t really talk about my work because of confidentiality although I would love to start a blog about the kinds of situations I deal with on a daily basis- but then I would get fired. However, it’s public knowledge that tonight I have to speak in front of 1,100 parents of seniors about the college admissions process. I’m thinking about entitling my speech: “Why little Johnny isn’t getting into Harvard and other disappointments in college admissions”. I’m a little nervous about it since I haven’t really worked on what I’m going to say yet (except of course for that catchy title).

I’d like to put in a few good jokes to liven things up a bit but I’m drawing a blank. One of my coworkers told me some story about some wierdo finding starfish on the beach and throwing them back to sea one at a time, but that seems long and boooooooring. One of my favorite lines to use on teenage boys is “Would YOU be more careful if it were YOU getting pregnant?” (I even have a visual picture of a pregnant man pushing a stroller to really let it sink in). But I’m not sure how much that one has to do with college admissions. Someone else suggested I throw into the speech “We can’t give you a brain, but we can give you a diploma”. I kind of like that one. But I guess it’s not so much a joke as it is an insult. I’m not necessarily opposed to insults if they are two parts joke and one part insult. Any ideas?


hey amy i’m totally going to read that book! i actually grew up in scarsdale and went to scarsdale high!

To the tune of “C is for cookie”D is for Diploma, that’s good enough for me

wow if that’s a picture of your high shcool auditorium i wouldn’t even show up…just pass around a bowl that said “big donation= strong recommendation”.

Ooh! I have a few different recommendations. You could keep a water balloon in your pocket and then break it and make it look like you were so nervous you peed your pants. Ask Salem about this one.Or you could stand up and say “This might sound weird but… jgs;orjty/slkdtmbdkrbs”. Danika tried this one.Funny but both of these ideas originated with Ben Blair.

You should read “Jane Austen in Scarsdale: Or, Love, Death, and the SATs” by Paula Cohen. The main character has the same job as you! Funny stuff. Good luck.

I can’t wait to hear what you come up with! I heard a story about my sister getting a glass of water thrown on her at church. Does that work?

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