I don’t remember when I took my first steps or said my first words. I don’t remember my first bike ride. But I do remember when I first learned about sex.
Images and Text by Parenting Editor Michelle
It was the mid-1980s, I was 6 or 7 years old and we were staying at a KOA campground during a summer vacation. I heard some kids talking about finding a “rubber” and I asked my mother what it was. I learned that day not just about condoms but about sexual intercourse and of course, the big realization that my parents had performed this act at least four times because myself and my three siblings were earth-side to show for it.
Here is what I also remember well – my mother talking to me calmly and confidently about sex. In the adolescent years that followed, anytime I heard about a sexual act or other unknown word, I knew I could go to her and get a truthful answer. Thanks, Mom!
START WHEN THEY ARE YOUNG
All the experts agree to begin conversations about their body when they are young and to use proper names for the genital body parts.
Planned Parenthood suggests, “Talking with your kid about sex, relationships, and their health is a lifelong conversation. As soon as kids start learning to talk, you can teach them the names of the parts of their body. As soon as they start being around other kids, you can teach them about respecting other people and talking about their feelings. These things lay the groundwork for healthy sexuality and relationships later on.”
Honesty and proper terms for genitals isn’t just good advice – it actually can help prevent (or put a stop to) child abuse too. Dona Matthews, Ph.D. advises, “When kids know and are comfortable using the standard terms for their private body parts – they’ve got one more protection against sexual abuse. When children feel awkward talking about certain body parts… they’re more likely to feel embarrassed about asking questions, and they’re less likely to tell you if someone is touching them inappropriately.”
PUBERTY
After talking about sex and reproduction, we also talked about body changes. This is also where I really love and recommend the book “It’s NOT the Stork!” because it showed (through appropriate illustrations) the natural changes that will happen to both boys and girls as they grow older.
My oldest daughter is in fifth grade and has been taught a few body maturation classes at school. Each time, she proudly told me she already knew all the information that was explained to her. Knowledge made her feel in control and proud of her body.
BE AN ASK-ABLE PARENT
Psychologist Warren Cann continues, “The aim is to become an ask-able parent… somebody who can be asked and to set up from a very early stage an openness and a willingness to provide information and to discuss those issues.”
When our child asks us something about sex or bodies, start by asking questions to your child first (“Can you tell me what you already know about that?”) and then ask them if your answer satisfied their question.
I’m realizing more and more that there are many ‘teachable moments’ too. My 7-year-old son asked why bikini-clad Princess Leia is chained to Jabba the Hutt in the film Return of the Jedi. We had a great conversation about Leia’s feelings, consent, slavery and crime.
Do you remember when you first learned about sex? Have you had any experiences as a parent telling your child about it? Share below, I’d love your feedback.
Comments are closed.
It’s wonderful to see the common sense approach parents today are taking in teaching these things. You’ve given good counsel here. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Thanks so much for the support and your comment!
Awesome post! I glad to read your post really informative post you shared. Thanks for sharing this post.
https://www.akbarinternational.com/
Thanks, I appreciate it!