Do you prefer living in the country or the city?

Originally from Washington D.C., Rheanna was drawn to the California dream when she was pregnant with her daughter, Paloma. “When we arrived, we were a bit overwhelmed by the intense process of finding, bidding, and paying high rents and ended up settling in West Oakland. When my daughter’s dad and I split up – I decided to leave our house and find my own. The process hit me again. It was a rental bidding war and landlords strongly suggested they didn’t want children. I found myself bidding on a $2,800 studio and seriously considering living above a popular bar/club.”

“Realizing that was ridiculous”, Rheanna ended up moving down to a small town down the coast where the digital agency she does marketing for had an office. Like many of us, the lure of the slower country life and the “idyllic dream of a house and yard” drew her in.

Slowing down. “My daughter also learned to slow down and enjoy nature. We spent days at the ocean, going on hikes, picking flowers, and kayaking with the sea lions. We didn’t have the cultural or diversity of people exposure you get from a city (which I desperately missed)”.

Overall, it turned out to be just what they needed at the time. “I considered it a meditative sabbatical of sorts to focus on myself, my daughter, and finding comfort in being a single mom…I cherished the time away – it was centering and helped me focus on healing from a breakup, rather than chase replacements or distractions from myself.”

A village in the city.   “It’s like we’re back in a village. We sit on our stoops, the neighbors invite us over for parties, they ring my doorbell when I forget to move my car for street cleaning, and they’re quick to lend a cup of sugar (or tools). My daughter has come to love the guys who work the corner bodega (she writes them cards and they give her treats), she makes it a point to say hello to the neighbor who leisurely sits on the corner every day, and she’s become a common name and friendly kid face at many of the stores in the neighborhood – popping in to say hello on our daily walks. This feeling of acceptance and welcome and connectivity with everyone in the neighborhood is so important.”

Maybe it’s really about the people you surround yourself with and the community you create than where you live?

I recently read that San Francisco was one of the best big cities for a single mom, but Rheanna disagrees in some important ways. “When I first moved here, I would’ve said yes absolutely. It’s full of beautiful parks, beaches, amazing experiences and food, and it feels good to just walk and see other humans everywhere. But now that I’m a few months in – I see how hard it is. It’s expensive to live here. It’s nearly impossible to afford SF rent on a single income and preschool / daycare costs are ridiculously high…The mental load of living in SF as a single parent is intense.”

But there is so much culture and diverse experiences that are very unique to living in the city. Maybe you really can thrive.  “Take them everywhere and fully embrace being a single parent in the city. It’s really a magical and freeing thing, and it’s the best of both worlds. Just you, and your kids, doing what you both love best. Teach them all the lessons about people, culture, food, experiences. They’ll learn how to thrive (and survive) in the city.”